With or Without Me is a book for everyone – believer or unbeliever, Christian or atheist– who refuses to surrender to the idea that there are easy answers to the big questions in life.

Doubt about God’s goodness in the face of grief is natural. With or Without Me is one woman’s unsparing and eloquent memoir about the inadequacy of religion and philosophy to answer her emotional pain. Yet Esther Maria Magnis’s rejection of God is merely the beginning of a tortuous journey back to faith – one punctuated by personal losses retold with bluntness and immediacy. 

Magnis knows believing in God is anything but easy. Because he allows people to suffer. Because he’s invisible. And silent. 

“A must read for anyone who has ever pondered the meaning of life” – Lydia S. Dugdale, Author of The Lost Art of Dying

"Where is God when your loved ones get cancer? With or Without Me is an unsparing and eloquent critique of religion. Yet Esther Maria Magnis's frustration is merely the beginning of a tortuous journey toward faith. Esther Maria Magnis knows believing in God is anything but easy, because he allows people to suffer"--

"There are not many who dare to speak of God as unabashedly as Esther Maria Magnis." —Public Forum