Hanoi: a maze of alleys, lakes, pagodas, jazz clubs, cafes, and Soviet statues. Even for us Vietnamese people, Hanoi is infamously inscrutable. It's Vietnam's enigma wrapped in a mystery, with egg cream on top. You can take the easy, well-trodden path: the tourist market, the tourist pho restaurant, the tourist beer street, and a dude in a glass case. Or you can go local: eat the pho that Vietnamese foodies eat, drink the coffee VIetnamese hipsters drink, and hang out on the other beer street, the one that's not in any guidebooks, the one for locals. I'll even show you a super-creepy abandoned amusement park. Instead of canned propaganda, you'll understand the real stories behind the places and people you're seeing. You'll meet "the locals." Yes, they'd love to chat with you, they want to practice their English, and no, they don't hate Americans. Nobody cares about the war anymore. We'll wander down sketchy alleys and experience amazing places you'd never find in mass-market, foreigner-produced, ChatGPT-written guidebooks. I'll also teach you practical skills to break away from the guided tours and well-worn tourist attractions: the lowdown on Vietnam visas (the rules were completely changed in 2023), how to get around, how to buy things, what to say, and what (and whom!) to avoid. My guidebooks took you to Saigon and Da Nang. You had a great time. Now, let's meet the final boss: Hanoi. You'll love it, I promise.